Archive for laura hallman

If I Had A Valentine: Issue Twenty Action Shots!

Posted in Action Photos!, Issue Twenty with tags , , , , on February 14, 2012 by mohawko

Operative Jack Cazir took Laura Hallman’s story for a lengthy journey into the city for Valentine’s Day. Delivered to you, from the man himself (who, incidentally, has an article over at Thought Catalog about means to avoid similar situations in your own lifeliness.) Here goes, a solo love riot (words by Jack):

If I had a Valentine I’d buy her flowers and things with hearts and we’d eat at Momofuku and I wouldn’t sit alone.

If I had a Valentine we’d walk the High Line and maybe hold hands here.

Maybe here.

If I had a Valentine I’d shield her eyes.

I thought maybe I could find my Valentine in Times Square.

But this woman seemed more into Laura Hallman than me, which is fair.

I thought this Modigliani could maybe be my Valentine but she didn’t hardly even move.

Neither did this girl.

If I had a Valentine she’d explain Abstract art to me.

And remind me not to stand in front of the pictures.

If I had a Valentine she’d ignore all of this shit.

And put up with this shit.

…and I wouldn’t be so lonely.

*

We love you, Jack.

More to come.

Issue Twenty: How We Yearn (Audio)

Posted in Issue Twenty with tags , , , on February 7, 2012 by mohawko

Download and listen to our editor’s radio show, broadcast from WECI 91.5fm, Richmond, IN’s public radio– featuring Laura Hallman’s story and various, pointless (yet ultimately revealing) pontifications– in its entirety, following this link. See below for tracklist and miscellanea.

Playlist:

  1. “Thirteen Years Without Peter King” – the World/Inferno Friendship Society
  2. “Where the Moss Slowly Grows” – Tiger Army
  3. “Blake Says” – Amanda Palmer
  4. “Because of the Shame” – Against Me! (centerpiece)
  5. “Evil Thoughts” – Foxy Shazam
  6. “This House Is Empty Now” – Elvis Costello & Burt Bacharach
  7. “Champagne Supernova” – Oasis

Issue Twenty!!

Posted in Issue Twenty with tags , , , on February 6, 2012 by mohawko

We are proud to present our twentieth issue, taking strides around NYC on the back of Operative Jack Cazir. A download of our weekly radio show, “Centerpiece,” starring the words of this week’s author, is forthcoming. In the meantime, read and memorize the following beautiful words:

ISSUE TWENTY (2/6/12):

featuring

“The Science of Your Intimacy Phobia”

by Laura Hallman

Operative: Jack Cazir (NYC)

About the author: Laura Hallman (@l_hallman) can be found within the archives of Dr. Hurley’s Snake Oil CureSea Giraffe Magazine, and 3:AM Magazine.  She appears regularly in Peripheral Surveys and Side B Magazine.

About the operative: Jack Cazir writes for Thought Catalog and is probably very lonely.

“Philly Stuff”: Action Shots 13-17

Posted in Action Photos!, Issue Fifteen with tags , , , on January 8, 2012 by mohawko

Join the SPR on a tour of Philadelphia, guided by one of their own, Operative Laura.

You Want an All Local, Organic, Delicious Breakfast in Philly? (Yes.) You Want Estelle's. "You Mean the Best Breakfast of My Life Is in the Bottom of this Apartment Building?" Yes.

Nom nom nom.

South Philly Be Crazy

*Insert innuendo here.*

Italian Market. All the Meats and Cheeses and Weird Spices You Can Imagine. Can I Interest You in a Pig Foot While You Read?

Noms x2.

Let Freedom Ring. No Explosives Allowed on Premises. No One Said Anything About Explosive Literature.

One day, the bell will wear an SPR story.

I Feel Like the SPR Is Very Supportive of Me Posing in Front of the First Amendment.

True dat, Operative Laura. True dat.

Travis Jeppesen’s Revenge: Action Shot 12

Posted in Action Photos!, Issue Fifteen with tags , , , on January 7, 2012 by mohawko

Operative Laura presents a Saturday Action Shot for your delectation:

Trip to the Dayspa for Facial and Hot Rocks Massage... Is This an SPR First?

Yes, it is.

Shirtless & Shoeless: Action Shots 9 + 10

Posted in Action Photos!, Issue Fifteen with tags , , , , on January 6, 2012 by mohawko

Dig these two brand spankin’ new Action Shots of Issue Fifteen.

Ever Seen a Barfly Fruitfly Before? How 'bout One with a Story on Her Back?

A note: namedrop the SPR in conversation and you’ll get like 40,000 totally unqualifiable “Cool Points,” which increase exponentially by a factor of 1 with each subsequent mention (i.e., 3 name-drops equates to 64,000,000,000,000 [that's 64 trillion] cool points). Cool points are like karma, only better.

I'm a Little Frazzled Because That's a Wall of Prohibition Photos. That One Right There Says, "Lips That Touched Liquor Shall Not Touch Ours." Pish Tosh.

One shot of irony.

“Before You Wreck Yourself”: Action Shots 8 + 9

Posted in Action Photos!, Issue Fifteen with tags , , , on January 5, 2012 by mohawko

Two more Action Shots have materialized from Operative Laura in Philly.

Can I Interest You in Some Reading Material in This Waiting Room While You Wait for the Doctor?

The Safety Pin Review: coming to a waiting room near you (nine issues late, of course.)

What's on the Menu? Some Tapas, Some Paella, Some Flash Fiction.

SPR, forever in bite-size quantities.

Product Placement: Issue Fifteen Action Shots 5-7

Posted in Action Photos!, Issue Fifteen with tags , , , on January 4, 2012 by mohawko

Yes! Yes! Yes! More Action Shots transmitting in from Operative Laura!

Operation Sandwich

Mission: Possible.

Just Trying to Order a @^%#$ Chicken Sandwich. Take It Easy, Give Me a Moment, and Dig the Reading Material.

Touch-screen-ordering food (?!) has never been quite as visually dazzling as it is with the Safety Pin Review.

Nothing to See Here... I Mean, EVERYTHING to See Here.

As you can see, the SPR shuns all forms of brand-name advertising.

SO MUCH TO STEAL.

Townhousing Lottery: Issue Fifteen Action Shots 1-4

Posted in Action Photos!, Issue Fifteen with tags , , , , on January 3, 2012 by mohawko

We have our first batch of Issue Fifteen Action Shots, fresh from the domicile of Operative Laura. Dig them, please:

Walking Around Townhouses, Looking for Readers.

Hoodie tales.

No Time-Outs for the SPR, Even During Do-or-Die Football

THE SPR IS STAGING A HOME INVASION.

Double Interception: Literary and Athletic

Note the FAST-MOTION BLUR.

 

This Operative Is Getting to Every Living Creature, One Dog at a Time

The SPR has no species bias, not even plantlife. That undernourished ficus at the office? Turn around and TELL HIM TO FUCKING READ IT.

Issue Fifteen!!

Posted in Issue Fifteen with tags , , , on January 2, 2012 by mohawko

Welcome back, with the first issue of 2012. Dig it. This issue’s being worn about the Philadelphia area by forthcoming SPR author Laura Hallman. Now then:

ISSUE FIFTEEN (1/2/12):

featuring

The Child

by Mike Johnson

Operative: Laura Hallman (Philadelphia, PA)

About the author: Mike Johnson teaches math and English at Ivy Tech Community College.  He lives in Centerville with his wife and two children.

About the operative: Laura Hallman is like Judy Garland on the outside and Kathleen Hanna on the inside. Sometimes she’s at classy places, and sometimes she’s not.

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